Monday, March 11, 2013

Iwahig Fireflies. f or your eyes only

March 09, 2013
Puerto Princessa, Palawan

Travel photographers are always in the look for better cameras, always in the know of the better angle and lighting. But they always complain of how a certain majesty of a place doesn't translate into pictures.

Firefly watching is a perfect example. 

I have yet to know how high a camera spec can capture the beauty. i'm sure there would be some, but i dont think it can capture the mystic and the enchanting experience. 

The tour is a boat ride in the Iwahig River, a wide river bend about 30km south of Puerto Princessa downtown. The river basin is wide and fireflies populate different species of mangroves.  One great surprise of the tour is the glowing plankton in the river water. These group of plankton are trapped in the river from the salt water sea which flows to the river by high tide.

Imagine pitch black paddle boat ride, surrounded by hundreds of fireflies, shaded by the glowing stars, and luminous dots in the waters -- fairy land.

Iwahig Firefly watching is my first firefly watching adventure. This is actually not included in our 4day Palawan itinerary but i'm really glad we made that bend. Our PPS city tour guide just suggested  it the same day and with the manageable rates, we squeezed it in.

One can take a van or a tricycle to Brgy. Iwahig from PP downtown for P700, round trip. A boat tour costs P600 and can accommodate a maximum number of 3. Tour starts at around 7PM, depending on the sunset.




Sunday, April 29, 2007

Fancy Pasta Restaurant



“You what?” gulat na gulat na usal ng kaibigan niyang si Jayson. “Matthew nahihibang ka na ba?”

“Oo yata Jason…nahihibang na ako’” malalim niyang tugon.

“Pare ‘wag ka naming ridiculous. May asawa na si Pia!” pinagkadiinan pa rin ni Jayson sa kanya ang katotohanang nito lang nila nalaman.

“I just found the truth too late pare…” baling niya sa mga mata ng kausap. Sana noon ko pa nalamang may asawa na siya, noong kayak o pang mabuhay ng wala siya…”

Lalong naging balisa’t iritable ang kausap niya sa tinuran niyang iyon. “Pare naman, mamamatay ka ba nang wala ‘yang Pia na yan sa ‘yo? Pare you’re younger than her! You’ve got a good job, gwapo ka,you’ve got good fortune ahead of you! Marami pang babae d’yan…”

His logic then is failing him that moment. “I have to talk to her—“ aniya sabay talilis. Hinabol pa siya nito ngunit mabilis niyang napaandar ang kotse niya patungo ka Pia.

“Pia please…mag-uusap lang naman tayo…nakikiusap ako!” mangiyak ngiyak niyang usal pagka-connect na pagka-connect ng tawag niya sa cellphone nito.

“Matthew naman…” dinig niya ang pagsisimula ng pag-iyak nito mula sa kabilang linya.

“Galing ako ng unit mo, galling ako sa restaurant mo…sabi nila nandito ka raw sa bahay ninyo,” anang binata.

“H-ha?” natigilan si Pia. “Nasaan ka?”

“Nandito ako sa tapat ng bahay n’yo…” anas niya habang tinatanaw ang malaking bahay na tinitirhan ni Pia.

Napalunok si Pia. “Anong ginagawa mo dito? Umalis ka na!!!”

“Hindi ako aalis ditto hangga’t hindi tayo nagkakausap…”pagmamakaawa niya’t pagmamatigas.

“Wala na tayong dapat pag-usapan pa Matthew! It’s over…”

“Kung hindi mo ako bababain ditto sa labas ng bahay ninyo…ako ang papasok d’yan sa loob…”

Malamlam ang mga mata ni Pia . Kitang kita sa mga mata nito ang bigat ng dinadala sa mga sandaling iyon.

“Sigurado ka bangok pa rin tayo dito sa resto mo?” paniniguro ng binata.

“Akin ang Fancy Pasta. I own this place, alam mo yan. Ako ang employer nila dito, hindi ang asawa ko!” sagot naman ni Pia na kaagad nakuha ang ibig niyang sabihin. Kaagad din nitong pinaalis ang waitress na nagserve sa kanila ng kape.

Tanging ang malamlam na musika ng lugar ang ingay na namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa… hanggang sa tuluyang nanangis si Pia.

“Please don’t cry…” ani Matthew.

“Ano pa bang kailangan mo Matthew?” patuloy nito sa pag-iyak.

“Kailangan kita Pia…kailangan kita…” gagap nito sa kamay ni Pia.

Umagos nang tuluyan nag luha nito sa kaniyang pisngi. “Bakit mo ginagawa sa akin ‘to Matthew…”

“Pia, kung kailangan kong mamalimos ng atensyon mo…gagawin ko PIa…”

“Matthew bata ka pa, marami pang iba d’yan—“

“Pia, you’re just 28, limang taon lang ang pagitan natin…akala ko ba we’ve settled this issue long before?”

“Hinid yun ang issue Matthew!!! May asawa na ako!!!”

“Pero hindi mo siya mahal…”

“Still it doesn’t make this thing right!”

“Wala kang gingawang mali Pia, nagmahal ka lang! There’s nothing wrong with that!”

Inilayo nito ang kamay niya, pinunasan ang mga luha at pilit ibinalik ang postura.

“Why are you doing this to yourself Matthew? Oo kasalanan kong hindi ko kaagad naipagtapat sa ‘yo that I’m married …pero sana kinamuhian mu na lang ako! Kaysa ganito…”

“I found the truth too late Pia…” nangatal ang pisngi ni Matthew. Namuo ang luha niya sa sinsero niyang mga mata. “Ni hindi ko na magawang magalit pa sa ‘yo. Natakot akong mawawala ka na sa akin…dahil…hindi ko na kayang mawala ka sa akin…”

“Kaya mo Matthew! Dahil hindi ko na kayang ipagpatuloy ‘to…”

“Pwede pa rin nating gawin yung dati nating nigagawa…same old set-up! Promise, hindi na ako pupunta sa bahay ninyo, hindi na ako tatawag sa ‘yo kapag nasa bahay ka…please Pia.”

Umiling si Pia.

Napayuko si Matthew. “You don’t love him,” pamaya-maya pa’y napatuloy siya. “… I love you Pia…”

“You don’t…”hindi na nito nilingon ang maluha din niyang mga mata. Tumayo ito at tinangkang umalis.

“You do…”aniya na pinagmamasadan lang siya. “You love me…” Tila siguradong sigurado siyang usal.

“I don’t…” walang lingon nitong tugon. “Game’s over Matthew…”

Bumalikwas siya sa mga salitang iyon at hinabol si Pia ng ilang hakbang. Iniharap niya ito sa kaniya at dagling ginagap ang mga labi nito ng sa kaniya.

Isang kabaliwan iyon alam niya. Ngunit hindi na talaga magawa pang rumehistro sa utak niya ang tama at mali. Ang tanging alam lang niya noo’y mahal nila ang isa’t-isa. At iyon ang tanging mahalaga sa kaniya ng mga sandaling iyon.

“Pia!” tila isang kidlat na tinig ang nagkalas ng kanilang pagniniig ni Pia.

“Alfred?” napaigkas si Pia nang mapangalanan ang makapangyarihang tinig na iyon.

“Punieta kayo!!!” nagnangis ang panga nito at kaagad na tinungo silang dalawa ni Pia. Sa galit na nasa mga mata ng lalaking iyon, hindi maipagkakaila ni Matthew kung sino ang lalaking iyon.

Sinunggaban siya nito kaagad at tumilapon siya sa katabing mesasa una nitong suntok sa mukha niya. Pagkatayo’y kagaad siyang bumawi dito.

“Oh my God! Tama na Alfred!” awat ni Pia dito.

“Shut up! How long have you been doing this to me Pia…” baling nito kay Pia, dahilan upang makabawi pa siya ng ilan pang mga asulto.

Pantay sila sa pagkadesididong saktan ang isa’t-isa kaya buong lakas ang ibinibigay ng dalawang lalaki sa pakikipagbuno sa harapan ni Pia.

Kinailangan ng dalwang security gurads at ilang mga kitchen staff upang maawat ang duelo. Tumigil na lamang ang dalawa nang marahil ay wala na silang makita pang gamit sa restaurant na masisira pa sa kanilang pag-aaway.

Nagpumiglas pa si Matthew at tangka pang sugurin muli si Alfred nang sampalin nito si Pia. Kinaladkad nito palabas si Pia. Doon lamang siya binitiwan ng mga umaawat sa kanila. Noon din lang niya nagawang pahirin ang mga dugo mula sa kaniyang bibig na tuluyan nang minantsahan ang kaniyang pang-itaas.

Lumabas siya ng Fancy Pasta Restaurant na pinupukol ng tingin ng lahat ng tao. Pero hindi iyon ang dahilan ng mga luha niya. Ramdam niyang tuluyan nang nawal si Pia sa kaniya.

Iyon ang huling pagkakataon na nakita’t nakausap pa niya si Pia.

“Nagpaalam nanaman si Samantha,” tulirong sumbong ni Matthew kay Jayson.

“Sa’n, daw pupunta?” usisa ng kaibigan niya.

“Magkikita daw sila ni Stella , yung kaibigan niya sa Makati—“

“O e ano?”

“Tinawagan ko na si Stella, nasa Davao daw s’ya for the week.”

“I told you pare, there’s really something going on with your wife…”

“Anong gagawin ko?”

“Hulihin mo sa akto!”

“Pare naman, hindi ko yata kayang basat na lang—“

“Matthew here we go again…same old you!!!”

Nilingon niya si Jayson at nakuha agad niya ang gusto nitong ipahiwatig. “This is not like what Pia and I had seven years ago Jayson…” matigas niyang usal.

“Precisely the point! Naging tapat kang asawa sa kanya for the past four years of your marriage! And of course, this is not like you and Pia—you’re being cheated here Matthew!”

Pinukol niyang muli ng matalim na tingin ang kaibigan. He’s deeply irritated with the word. “Hindi pa naman tayo sigurado Jayson. Do not accuse my wife!”

“Sa may isang restaurant daw sa Timog lagging pumupunta ang wife mo. I have a strong feeling—“

Makailang ulit na rin niyang narinig mula sa kaibigan na may nakakakita na nga kay Samantha na may kasamang ibang lalaki. Ngunit hanggat maaari, hindi niya iyon binibigyan ng pansin. Hindi dahil naniniwala siyang hindi iyon totoo. Natatakot siyang tumambad sa kaniya ang katotohanan. May malaking bahagi ng pagkatao niya ang nasasaling. Tila isang malaki’t mahapding sugat ng kahapon nag nananariwa ngayon sa kaniyang ala-ala.

Fancy Pasta Restaurant. Timog Branch.

Napalunok siya. Hindi niya alam na nagbranch-out nap ala ang naturang restaurant, at iyon ang tinutukoy na lugar ni Jayson. The atmosphere inside sounds and looks so familiar. It chills his every nerve.

“Pare…” paniniko ni Jayson sa kaniya pamaya-maya pa. Nakalinga ito sa isang part eng restaurant.

Mula sa mga mata ng kaibigan, alam na niya ang tinutukoy nito, at umagos ang kaba’t takot sa bawat Segundo ng kaniyang paglingon sa tinititigan ng kaibigan.

Si Samantha.

Nakangiti ito habang pinupunasan ang mukha ng lalaking kasam sa la mesa. Her happiness is undoubted. He never saw her happy.

Nagnangis ang kaniyang mga ngipin.

Nang dumampi ang mga labi ng kaniyang asawa sa pisngi ng lalaki, tuluyan siyang nawala sa huwisyo.

“Samantha—“ nagngangalit niyang usal. Tumayo siya’t pasugod na tinungo iyon.

“Matthew pare h’wag!” awat ni Jayson. Sinalya niya ang mga bisig nitong pumipigil sa kaniya.

Padukot niyang kinuha ang pitsara ng lalaki at kaagad niya itong sinuntok. Kaagad nalabog ang buong restaurant sa binagsakang lamesa ng lalaki.

Akmang susundan pa niya iyon nang humarang ang kaniyang asawa.

“Please Matthew no!” pagtatanggol nito sa lalaki.

Tuluyang nagdilim ang kaniyang paningin. “How could you Samantha!!!”

Pilit niyang kinuha ang lalaki at inayudahan pa ng suntok. Gusto niyang lumaban ito ngunit lalo lang nadadagdagan ang galit niya nang ni hindi ito umiiwas sa mga suntok niya’t hindi nagpakita ng kahit na anong panlalaban.

And the worst thing is that Samantha is taking his side—this man’s side.

They looked so the same yet so different.

“Tama na pare…” awat ni Jayson.

Kitang kita sa kaniyang dibdib ang pagngangalit.

“Perry…” alo ni Smantha sa lugapay nitong karelasyon.

“Call the police…”isang autoritatibong boses ang nagpahinto sa kaniyang hysteria.

“Yes ma’am…”isang empleyado ng restaurant ang tumugon sa utos ng tinig.

Napalunok siya.

Nang lingunin niya ang pinangagalingan ng tinig ay nakita niyang nagitla na rin si Jayson. Nang magtama ang kanilang mga mata ng pinangagalingan ng boses, kapwa sila nagitla.

“Pia—“ naiusal na lang niya.

Nahalo ang matitinding emosyon sa kaniya nang mula kay Pia ay nilingon niya kung paano aluin ng kaniyang asawa ang lalaking binugbog niya.

Nanariwa ang lahat ng alaala niya noon kay Pia, kung paano siya nagmakaawa ditto, kung paano niya ito hinanap, kung paano niya ito isinuko, kung paano niya ito pilit kinalimutan…

“Samantha—“ gagap niya ng mahigpit sa braso nito.

“No!” balikwas nito sa kaniya. “I’m not going you Matthew…”

Ginagap niya ang panga nito sa kaniyang mga palad. “How could you cheat on me?”

“Bakit Matthew? Did you ever love me?” ganti nito sa kaniya. “Nagagalit ka ba ngayon dahil mahal mo ako o dahil naiinis kang hindi mo maibigay sa akin ang pagmamahal na ibinibigay ni Perry sa akin ngayon?” iyak nito.

Natigilan siya. Sa dulo ng kaniyang mga mata’y sinusulyapan niya ang tigalgal na si Pia.

She’s still the Pia that she knew some seven years ago.

“Tell me the truth Matthew!” pagpapatuloy ni Samantha. “Yes you’ve never cheated on me, but have you even given your heart to me? Your heart still belongs to someone else from the very beginning Matthew…”

Doon niya napukol ng deretsong tingin si Perry. Ilang segundong nag-usap ang kanilang mga mata. Pamaya-maya’y ito na ang kusang tumalikod na. Ngunit huli na upang hindi makita ni Matthew ang mga luhang tumatakas sa kanilang mga mata.

Muli nanaman siyang tinalikuran ni Pia.

Inakay na siya palabas ni Jayson nang dumating na ang mga security.

Bakit kailangan pang naroon si Pia? Bakit makalipas ang pitong taon nilang hindi pagkikita’y doon pa sila muling nagkita?

Walang pinagbago ang malalam nitong mga matang puno ng lungkot kahit kitang kita ditto ang pag-angat pa lalo sa estado ng buhay.

Marahil ay kinailangan ni Piang Makita kung gaano siya naging miserable dahil hidni siya nito nagawang ipaglaban noon katulad ng pagtatanggol ni Samantha sa Perry na iyon. Kung nagawa ni Pia iyon, hindi na sana naulit pa ang gayong eksena sa buhay nila.

Hindi na sana naulit pa iyon, ang paglabas niya muli ng Fancy Pasta Restaurant na muling pinupukol ng mga tao ng tingin.

Hindi na sana naulit pa iyon, kung kaya niyang pabulaanan ang mga akusasyon ni Samantha kanina—that his heart still belongs to someone else…

COLLEGE APARTMENT .1

Gabby- freshman, BS Biology, 17
-timid and very shy
Sandra- Junior, BS BA, 19
-socially healthy
Marvin- Senior, BS Mechanical Engineering, 21
happy-go-lucky guy
Kevin- Junior, BS Landscape Architecture, 20
passionate and independent

Ayen- Junior, BS Journalism, 19
<!--[endif]-->loving, emotional and very dependent

The Apartment – bungalow-typed house with two same-sized bedrooms, tiled floors, averaged-sized bath/comfort room, and a parallel kitchen, dinning, living room area.
<!--[if !supportLists]-->- <!--[endif]-->PhP 7000 / mo.


“Kevin!!! Kevin!!!” Knocks on the door seemed to be a lazy slam of tired hands matched with an agreeing voice.
“Kevin…” Gabby whispered as he wakes up his roommate.
“What?” Kevin moaned and just hugged his pillow tighter.
“Sandra’s at the door…” Gabby answered.
“Kev…please open the door!!!” the girl outside the room still continued in a very undeniably tipsy talk.
“Kevin…” Gabby still tried to quake him up.
“Mmm…why don’t you get it yourself…” he replied quipping to wake up.
“She’s calling you, why would I be the one to open the door—she’s like asking you for something,” Gabby protested as he hit a note higher with her husky morning voice.
“…at this unholy hour? What would she need perhaps?”
“Sex? Duh…I don’t know—“
“Huh?” Kevin suddenly pulled out his head off the pillow and looked at his roommate beside him through the rays of light from the window, then slammed him with a pillow. “How old are you man?”
“Just turned 17!”
“Just 17—you’re damn too young for sex man!”
“Damn you too…I’ve lost my virginity two years ago!” Gab blurted out with his eyes shut bound back to sleep.
“What?” Kevin really heard something that would really wake him up. That’s Gabby, his freshman roommate whom he knew as a Mama’s boy.
“Pacify that bitch will ‘ya…”
“Kev…”knocks on the door continued.
Kevin pulled his body off the bed to the other door and opened the lampshade nearing it.
“Wait up Sandra—“ he answered, a bit disgusted. “O shit Sandra!!!” he just exclaimed after rolling the knob finding out that the door isn’t locked after all.
“Kev…” Sandra swayed onto his shoulders as she enters their room.
“God Sandra…” Kevin helped her out knowing the she really is drunk. “Your room’s the other door. Are you too drunk to realize that?”
“Kevin!” Sandra stared at him. “I’m not stupid…I’m just drunk asshole!”
“Then why the hell—“
“I’ve been knocking at our door for minutes and Ayen won’t open it. So I just thought of refugeeing to your room just for this night…”
“It’s morning Sandra…”
“Ohh, I’m sorry! I was just carried away not realizing the time. There’s this new bar that we went to and the tender is really hot, I tell you!” Sandra started to nag. He just helped her with her shoes and laid her their bed.
Gabby now got back to sleep even though Sandra really wrecks their room’s silence. “Hey…Is Marvin—“ She wont even finish her sentences because of her hiccups.
“Yeah…Marvin stayed for the night!” Kevin answered her unfinished question.
“Oh I see now. Maybe they had a really tiring sex all night in our room that left them both sound a sleep. That explains why I can’t wake them up, plus the locked door…” Sandra shifted her head and hands wide open through the boy’s bed.
“Sandra off… Gabby’s sleeping!” Kevin moved her hands off Gabby’s. He’s now into the idea that the girl’s room opposite their room where Ayen and Sandra shares isn’t really locked. She just can’t open it because she’s too drunk.
“You mister… wear your shirt coz you’ll be sleeping beside me!” Sandra continued to nag, now, about his half naked body.
“I don’t have to, I’m sleepy…” Kevin got his head now beside Sandra’s.
“But you should! Don’t tell me you’re sleeping with a girl like me…half naked! How could you!!!”
“This is my room! If I want to sleep naked even without my undies, I will…because this is my room!!!”
“You would do that for me?” Sandra, as a part of her drunkenness-nag\, started to sound a bit kinky. She pulled her head off from lying a tickled his chest a bit.
“Sandra!!!” he just can’t help but laugh at what this drunk girl had been nagging. He pushed her hard enough to slam her head to the pillow. “You’re too drunk you know… you must sleep! I must sleep! We should all slee—“
Before he could utter more words, he heard her snore a bit.

***

“You’re such a nagger when you’re drunk you know that…” Kevin laughed as he tells Sandra what had happened the other night.
“Yeah! Thanks for helpin’ me out”
“…and it’s really amazing that you forget all those things when you woke up! You even tried to seduce me for Christ’s sake…”
“I did?”
“Yeah…sort of…”
“Really now? How?”
“Hey cut it off…”
“Like this?” then Sandra tried to grab his butt.
“Hey stop it!” Kevin now started smashing her with his worksheet container. It is just when someone caught them on that childish playfulness that they stopped.
“I was really wondering if your room was really locked…”
“It was Kev…swear! I remember that part last night!”
“But our door isn’t!”
“What do you want me to do, just come in?”
“Well, yeah, you don’t have to wake us up…”
“I can’t just enter you room—“
“…and why not?”
“I might catch you and Bag… you know, in a very suggestive situation…”
“What the…” Kevin laughed harder, they both did.
“That guy freaked me out last night,” Kevin continued. “I remember he told me about his virginity then this morning as I confirm it, he told me he can’t remember anything about what he told me last night…weird!”
“Stop exposing him to your world Kev… he’s just a kid,” she teased him again. “Hey I’ve also talked about sex last night right?”
“Yeah… how gross of you to talk about Marvin and Ayen like that—“
“…and you’re pissed off…” Sandra implied something. Something so much guarded. Something deep. Kevin turned red and speechless.
He gulped a bit. “Why would I?”
Sandra gave him a meaningful you’re-busted smile. “Nice pretending loverboy…”
Then Kevin’s phone rang. Saved by the bell.
“It’s Gabby…” Kevin uttered to Sandra and immediately answered it. “’Sup bro?”
“Hey… you need to go home now… and also Sandra!!!” Gabby pointed in a lesser calm voice.
“Why?”
“Ayen wanted you to…”
“Why?”
“Marvin’s leaving…”
“Why?”
“He won’t tell me of course…and Ayen’s a bit hysterical right now…”
“Why?”
“Will you stop your ‘why’s’ and just get your butt home immediately?”
“Ok!Ok! I’ll be there…we’ll be there…”

***

When Sandra and Kevin got home from school they saw Marvin walking through the living room.
“Marvin…” Kevin immediately asked him. “Is there anything wrong? Where’s Ayen?”
“She’s in her room…waiting for you…” Marvin answered coldly.
“Ayen…Kevin’s here…” Gabby shouted mildly as he does something in the kitchen sink. “She’s waiting for you…” he then looked at him, then to Sandra.
Deeply puzzled with what’s happening, he rushed to Ayen. And, Gabby briefs Sandra of what’s happening around.
“Kev…” Ayen immediately got after his comfort as he enters the room.
“God Ayen, what’s happening?” He embraced him with comfort and deep concern even though he doesn’t know how to place it well.
“Kev… Marvin is breaking up with me!!!”
“…he what?” He pulled himself off her trying to read her eyes.
“He’s ditching me off…that fucking bastard!!!” then she continued to woe in the comforts of his study shoulders.
Still Kevin’s eyebrows are crossed. “What’s new?” he told himself. “Ayen…”finally he spoke up. Her hair’s now covering his arms in her back and the fragrance of it soothes him just like how her beautiful face soothes him every time.
“Kevin…please do something…” she continued crying.
“But Ayen…I’m sure you’ll fix this on your own soon…” he gripped her hands that are crawling through her neck and shoulders.
“This is not just a simple fight—“
He may have the clue of that because even if this is not the first time Marvin and Ayen had a fight, this is the first time he has to do something about it. It’s always comfort, never help…
“Are you Ok Ayen?” Sandra entered the room and joined them on the bed, gently patting her roommate.
“What the hell’s this?” Kevin murmured to Sandra assuring Ayen would not hear his own wails.
“Shut up!” Sandra answered at the same manner.
“Hush Ayen…” Kevin went back comforting Ayen. Though deeply irritated with the situation, he won’t be leaving her.
“Marvin’s really leaving…” Sandra uttered making Ayen cry harder. Just then the door swung open with Marvin.
“Kevin’s here Ayen…” he said. “I think I better leave…”
Ayen didn’t showed up plans of looking at him, instead, he’s gripping Kevin insisting her best friend still to do something.
“Marvin…” Sandra tried to start.
“Ayen…” but Marvin won’t listen to her. HE brushed his fingers through his long hair that’s covering his ears. He’s really handsome doing that even with the distaste fully written largely in his face. “Ayen…”
“Kevin he’s leaving…” Ayen huskily uttered near his ear.
“Ayen if he wanted to leave, he can! This is not his apartment for Christ’s sake!!!” Kevin exclaimed loudly. Loud enough for Marvin to hear it, for Ayen to cry harder and hug him tighter, and for Sandra to knock him hard.
He closed his eyes accepting the defeat of that argument. “Ok… Marvin… couldn’t you and Ayen talk this over,” he uttered trying it to sound calm and pleasing.
“Look Kevin… Ayen and I are over!” he gulped. He just wanted you to get back home before I leave.”
Weird. Kevin couldn’t even repress his liking of the idea that Marvin’s leaving. So he never came up to say another word to keep Marvin. Neither does Marvin; he left the house without anymore words. He’s gone after a couple of minutes.
“Get him Kevin…”Ayen still cried. “He’s not coming back…”
“He will Ayen…” Sandra consoles.
“Ayen…so what if he won’t?” Kevin again quipped with the idea. Look…he never took seriously and you know that! Maybe it’s time for you to let go.”
Sandra warned him with her eyes of dismay.
“You don’t understand Kev…”Ayen continued crying.
“But Ayen—“Kevin wouldn’t quit pursuing his idea on how to solve the problem.
“I need him…I need him!!!” Ayen gripped him harder, cried harder…
…and it was stabbing him.

***

Kevin was awakened by Ayen’s discomfort. She’s getting sick.
“What’s wrong Ayen?” he said as she rushed out of the room to the sink in the kitchen. “Ayen…” he followed her.
Good thing Gabby’s already up that morning to assist Ayen immediately. With the noise, Sandra got up too and went out from Gabby’s and his’ room. It had been two days since Sandra and he switched rooms temporarily and of course informally because Ayen wanted to be with him in coping up with the break-up thing.
“What’s wrong with Ayen?”
“I don’t know…she’s sick!”
Sandra replaced Gabby’s position in patting Ayen.
“Should we take you to the hospital?” Kevin asked.
“Call her mom…” Gabby suggested.
“No…no…” Ayen quipped as she wipes water off her lips. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?” Kevin approached her. He cleared her face from her hair with his fingers an pat her back to check if she’s really ok.
“Sure I am! Good thing you’re awake. You’ll be late for your class,” Ayen uttered. Kevin glanced at the wall clock.
“Good Lord! I’m late…” he almost jumped to his room.
“Hush! It’s still twenty minutes before eight!”

***

“I thought Friday nights are your bar nights miss bar girl?” Kevin greeted Sandra as she enters the apartment gate by six o’clock that Friday night.
“As if I’m ‘anna leave Ayen like that…. And you—“
“Well thanks…”
“I’m doin’ a favor for Ayen, not for you! Are you thanking me for that? ‘Coz if you that means you—“
“Cut it off!” Kevin rescued himself from whatever Sandra will utter. He totally knew what she’s to talk about.
“I’ve brought us dinner!” Sandra placed the plastic bag in the dinning table.
“That’s the one I’m thanking you for,” Kevin smiled.
“Oh you are so welcome…” she acted like she’s buying his lame excuse.
“Kevin dryer’s up!” Gabby shouted form the laundry area opposite the kitchen sink. “Hurry up!”
“Yeah coming…” he answered.
“You already did your laundry?” Sandra reacted in disgraced.
“Yeah…”Kevin answered with his crossed ‘why?’ eyebrows.
“I told you to do mine too!” Sandra agitated.
“You wish… and since when did I become your laundry man?” he boasted.
“Ever since I found out about your feelings for your ever best friend Ayen…” she naughtily smirked; even having her body on Kevin’s way to the dirty kitchen.
“Oh that day hasn’t come yet I’m sorry…” Kevin smiled trying to hide his guilt.
“Unofficially yes,” Sandra continued her claim.
“Are you blackmailing me?”
“Uhm…” Sandra still plays with her smiles for him.
“…for a laundry?”
Ayen’s room door slammed open as she gets out as fast as she could. She’s sick again.
“Ayen?” Kevin exclaimed as they heard her again because of her vomiting sound just like this morning. He hurriedly went after her and started to allude her back.
“Oh my God! Ayen please tell me that this is not what I think it is…” Sandra’s anxiousness went over to him as well and it’s really overwhelming.
After throwing nothing to the sink, Ayen sta down at the dinning table and started to cry staring at Kevin.
He gulped.
“Ayen…” he asked her answer Sandra’s question.
Sweats of strains appeared in her forehead as she continues to just look him in the eye.
“You’re pregnant Ayen?” Gabby broke the silence. Then tears rolled down her cheeks one after another. She gripped her hands slamming her fist to the table.
Sandra immediately sympathized upon gulping the revelation. She sat beside her and grasped her fist to her palms. “Have you been to a doctor?”
Ayen nodded. “I’m six weeks on the way…” she murmured.
Kevin slammed his forehead to his palm in disgrace.
“Kevin…” she called him. One of the many proofs on how dependent she is to him; the sole reason why Kevin’s mad at her.
But Kevin won’t glance at her. He’s teary eyed and sentimental that moment. He doesn’t know what say, what to do or even what to think.
“Have you told Marvin about this?” Sandra continued.
She nodded.
Everything came to Kevin after that nod. Now he understands why Ayen’s so hysterical about Marvin; why Marvin’s not coming back; why Ayen needed him…
“Kevin…” Ayen stood up to face him. “I don’t know what to do next—“ she cried.
He grabbed him through his arms and embraced her. She hugged him tightly as she’d never done in their four years of friendship. One of the things that’s not new, are the warm tears of Ayen onto his shoulders.
“I’m here Ayen…I’ll never leave you…”


***

HE lit his second stick when Gabby came from inside. “Sandra told me that I should give this to you,” Gabby handed him a glass ashtray.
He smiled palely. “Is Ayen ok?”
“She’s with Sandra.”
“He puffed a big one when Gabby sat beside him in the open outside their apartment. The moon’s half open and the wind’s cozy enough to ease the tension in their apartment.
“Want one?” Kevin handed the freshman a stick of cigar from his case.
“I don’t—“
“You will…sooner or later…”
“But it’s bad—“
“Marijuana’s worse…it’s not illegal!” Kevin insisted. “Do as I show you…”
Gabby, being so innocent but into it, laid eyes on every move of Kevin’s hands to the white stick.
“You have to puff as you light it ok?” Gabby nodded to his instructions. HE rolled the lighter ball then puffed as the fire touched the tip of the stick. “Don’t swallow the smoke just yet…” Kevin rushed to Gab’s stick. “Now puff…”
“Tart…shit!” Gabby coughed. “The hell—“
“This is just menthol lights. I told you not to swallow it yet!”
“Ok ok!” Gabby tried it again and this time he managed not to cough after.
“Nice! You’re really a fast learner dude…” Kevin smiled then turned to his own stick then.
“Thanks to the bad influence.”
“It’s not as bad getting pregnant dude,” Kevin drew serious.
“Are you to tell her parents about it?”
“Ayen’s so dead—“
“I’ve been with you guys for four months now but you never fail to give me culture shock!”
“Culture shock?”
“Yah! When my parents dropped me her last June you guys were like angels and scholars…”
“Oh…that’s the usual June you know. Haha!” Gabby puffed another from the stick and seems enjoying the bitter taste of it. “I thought you’re not a virgin anymore…”
“Leave my virginity alone…”
“What’s wrong with that? It’s pretty normal you know—“
“So you’re not normal?”
“Huh?”
“When was the last time you’ve had sex with someone?” Gabby teased.
“You are so hanging out with Sandra damn you guys… and you really think you can screw me freshman?”
“It’s not like I’m implying something. I’m just asking how long you have been celibated.”
“You are so dead! I’m so gonna call your mom and tell her, her son’s not a virgin anymore, he’s smoking and got his housemate pregnant!”
“Fuck you…”

***

“Marvin!!!” Kevin yelled at him when he saw him walking down the isle of the campus. “Marvin…” suddenly the man he’s yelling at opt not to hear nor see him. He bristled towards him and grabbed his arms. “Man, we need to talk!” he started in a very curious way.
“We don’t have anything to talk about—“ still Marvin doesn’t want his presence.
“We need to talk asshole!” he firmly insisted. People around started to get away from there because of the tension from their movements, especially Kevin.
“If this is about Ayen—“
“No this is not about Ayen!” he pushed his arms to face him rather than looking from afar. “This is about you baby…” Kevin uttered in disgrace. Marvin looked at him for the first time then piercing his eyes with Kevin.
“Still it’s about Ayen…”
“Well fuck you! This is not just about Ayen anymore! This is also about a sperm from your fucking dick that went into Ayen’s and now turning into a lifeform!” Kevin jerked.
“That thing—“
“What’s the fucking matter with you? Why can’t you understand that?” Kevin’s really pissed of with Marvin’s reluctance.
“Understand what?” Marvin started to grumble with Kevin’s stabbing words.
“Why can’t you grab your balls from the floor and get it back, and settle things with Ayen…” Kevin’s jaw tattered out of anger. He pushed Marvin harshly.
“I can’t—“
Kevin stood silently with that answer. His anger rose higher, his eyes grew more piercing fro Marvin.
“My dad would kill me…” terror oozed in Marvin’s eyes.
“I’ll kill you first you fucking faggot!!!” Kevin grabbed Marvin’s shirt and punched him instantly. Marvin bumped into a light post but was able to get back and assault Kevin for vengeance.
They didn’t stop exchanging punches as blood trashes out from their noses and mouth, until a peer of Marvin got in between and held Marvin off Kevin.
“Bitch!” Kevin pointed him out. He wiped out stains of blood from his lips and nose. As Marvin had been moved away, he’s left with nothing but people staring irritated at him.
No Marvin for Ayen. What now?

***

“What the hell happened to you?” Gabby exclaimed as he entered the apartment.
“Nothing…” he palely answered as he touches some violet spots in his face.
“Who did that to you?” Gabby continued. “God Kevin… what fraternity did that to you?”
“The fucking-Marvin-who-got-no-balls fraternity!” he sat on the sofa ailing for his bruises.
“Tsk…tsk…tsk…Wait I’ll get you some first-aid!” Gabby initiated. As he walked through the kitchen, Sandra came out of Ayen’s room rushing.
“Kevin..” she fast-paced called him. “Come here—“ But as she speaks Kevin’s bruises took her attention. “What the hell… Kevin… don’t tell me—“
“Whatever Sandra!”
“Oh well we’ll deal with that later. Ayen’s mom’s on the phone! Hurry, she wants to talk to you…”
“Kevin!!!” then Ayen called him.
Hearing that seems an emergency alarm for Kevin. He rushed to the room and grabbed the phone immediately.
“Hi Tita… Kevin here…” he started talking and making some it’s-ok hand gestures for Ayen.
“Kevin is Sandra still there?” answered the lady on the other ling. On that moment Ayen perfectly saw how damaged Kevin was, definitely form a fist fight.
“Uhm… I think she’s leaving already Tita Margie…why? Have you talked to her?” Kevin started the same old alibi. Simultaneously, pouting his lips with the ‘later’ as an answer to Ayen’s and Sandra’s worried questions about his bruises and wounds.
“Yes…she answered Ayen’s phone! Why is she there? Kevin, we’ve already talked about this, I don’t want Ayen be associated nor mingling with thosekinds of kids there at school…” Ayen’s mom started to somehow scold Kevin.
“Yes Tia Margie… I understand that! Sandra’s here because she wants to interview me for the school paper… a journalist thing…that is…”
“….and I wanna know why is she answering Ayen’s phone?”
“Uhm—“ Kevin got not choice but to pause for seconds for he ran out of filling up stories. He relays the phone conversation through his hands and facial clues to Sandra and Ayen. The two girls coached him answers through the same technique.
“Sorry Tita, she’s really bitchy sometimes! It’s my fault… it wont happen again…” Kevin continued.
“Be sure Kevin…”
“Yes Tita! I’m really sorry…”
Sandra’s face gravely became so naughtily disappointed. Smiling at Kevin, she stated to make physical assault gestures.
“I would just like to know if Ayen’s fine—“
“She is Tiat! I’ve also staed here over the weekend… I’ve also got some paper works to finish just like her—“
“Ok I’m glad you did that hijo… That’s all…” Ayen’s mom now tuned down for Kevin’s relief.
“Oh don’t you want to talk to Ayen?”
“It’s fine Kevin. I trust you hijo! Take care of her! If she happens to get naughty, do not hesitate to tell me her wrong doings ok?”
“Ok Tita... you take care…”
He handed the phone to Ayen after the conversation.
“Fuck you—“ Sandra, at last orally showed her disgust, just with a smile to ensure she’s not that serious. “Now my reputation had been stabbed for the Nth time…”
“I’m sorry Sandra… I can’t tell my mom I’m sharing this room with someone else…” Ayen apologized.
“Especially with some bitchy party girl like me…”
“C’mon Sandra get used to it!” Kevin uttered. “It’s just that Ayen’s mom is so strict.”
“…and amazingly trusts Kevin a lot…” Ayen added.
“It’s just like you, not telling your mom that you’re under load this semester and your rent share’s just two thousand, not four thousand five hundred!”
“Ok ok! I’m the prodigal here…I’m the mean girl…”
“No it’s not that—“
“Ok you’re forgiven Kevin… just make it up to make…kiss me me…” she naughtily approached him.
“Cut it off…” Ayen then became somber as they should have. “Kevin, at what branch of hell have you been?”
At that point, Gabby entered their room with the first aid kit. “Kevin… here’s the first aid…”
Kevin drew a lot more seriousness than Ayen. Then his silence covered the room. “I’m sorry Ayen... Marvin’s impossible…”

***
“I can’t stay in our house like this…” Ayen to Kevin as they both arrived at the apartment that Sunday night.
“Why’s your mom so mad?”
“A friend of her saw me and Marvin last last week…”
“But that doesn’t mean …”
“I’ve told her Marvin’s just a friend but she won’t believe me!” Ayen broke down into tears again….”and yesterday, after I’ve told her I have to drop my subject because I’m failing…”
“They got mad?”
“I got sick…”
“Again?”
“While we’re having dinner...”
“You can tell them your tummy’s just upset—or hyperacidity—“
“I’ve told them chocked something form the food. I can’t tell them I’m hyperacidic, they’ll send me straight to the doctor, then I’m busted!”
Kevin nodded in disgrace.


“The registrar from the school told me…Marvin….” Gabby told them that Wednesday night while having dinner. “…filed his LOA!”
“That’s bullshit!” Kevin initially reacted slamming the dinner table.
After hearing what Gabby had said, Ayen walked out to her room. “Ayen…” Kevin called.
“Kev…let her be alone first,” Sandra insisted.
“But—“
“I know she’s very dependent on you, but you know what I’ve realized? You’re also actually depending on her to depend on you…”
“You’re up to something again?”
“Yes I am…”Sandra frankly answered. “…and you should know where this leads…”
“She has to accept that the fact that Marvin’s gone...” Gabby blurted out.
“Bull’s eye freshman!”Sandra exclaimed.



***

“Why are you outside?” Sandra asked Kevin immediately as she got near their apartment.
“Where have you been?” Kevin answered it with another question.
“You know, if you really insist an answer to that question, I will really believe you’re hitting on me…” She answered.
He just answered the gag with a thick smoke from his white stick.
“…and what’s with the drama?” Sandra injected some controversy with the beer beside Kevin’s ashtray on the long wooden bench.
“Join me…”
“Sure! Wait I’ll go change first!”
“There three more cans of these in the fridge!” referring to the beer.
“OK!” Sandra hurriedly went into the apartment and changed clothes. A couple of minutes passed and then she’s now sharing the moonlight view with Kevin—of course with an in-can beer and a lights cigarette.
“How’s Ayen?” Kevin started.
“In the bathroom,” Sandra answered. “Your door’s locked. Is Gabby home?”
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“That dick’s got a bitch in our room…”
“Sandra’s eyes grew round in surprise. “Shit…you’re kiddin’! What happened to that kid?”
“He’s just growing up, that’s it—“
“You got her for him—“she alleged.
“God! She’s a girl from school!”
“Why don’t you get one for yourself?”
“Here we go again—“ Kevin showed avoidance to what’s Sandra’s up to.
“We will be here over and over not until you got tired of doing and sacrificing things for Ayen which I really don’t know if she appreciates or not!”
Kevin’s silence overruled.
“I won’t get tired…” he uttered palely.
“…and won’t be appreciated!” Sandra quipped.
Kevin just gulped his beer bottom’s up. Sandra’s claim is like twenty bottles of beer straight down to his sanity.
“Guys!!!” Gabby got out for them only with his towels on.
“Whoa---“Suddenly their weighted atmosphere had been gone. However, Gabby’s face tells them something otherwise.
“Kevin, you and Ayen slept in our room last night?” he began.
“Yah!?”still clueless.
“I think you need to see this…” Gabby raised a medicine wrapper in his hand.
“Medicine wrapper?” Sandra answered; still thinking how important that is that Gabby would take a pause of what he’s up to that night.
“Don’t you know what this is?”
They both crossed their eyebrows.
“Cyctotec!” Gabby dropped the bomb.
“Shit!” Kevin exploded like hell as he got what Gabby’s trying to tell. He ran inside immediately and slammed the bathroom door. “Ayen!!!” he shouted. “Ayen open the door!”
Sandra gulped as Gabby entered his room to get his clothes back on. Tension filled the air with every slam of Kevin to the bathroom door.
When Kevin just heard wails but no answer from Ayen, he decided to force-enter and break the knob.
Red liquid all over the small cubicle freaked out the hell of him as the door opened. Ayen, in her sleeping gown wet with bloodstains, sits on the floor with an arm on the top of the toilet bowl that hasn’t been flushed.
“Ayen…” Kevin cried as he reached for her whose strength had been tremendously pulled down probably by the blood loss. Her face’s wet of tears from deep sentiments and immeasurable pain.
“Oh my God Ayen!” Sandra exclaimed as she saw her.
As Kevin tried to get Ayen up, he saw the solid particles from the blood that stained the water of the toilet bowl. It’s as big as a fruit seed with tiny blood spots all over. “Ayen…what have you done…” he uttered in disgrace.
She gathered all her strength as she’s supported by Kevin to push the toilet flush. She howled loudly as the seed goes down with the water from the flush.
“Jesus Christ…” Kevin closed his teary eyes in trying to escape the picture of it. As she lifts Ayen’s body off the cold floor, she insisted to stay swamped into the floor letting the water flow from the faucet. She gripped Kevin’s embrace that made him wet as well. Then the water slowly clears the bloodstains all over.
Wails continued accompanied by the harsh drop of water onto the swamping floor. Kevin continued to whisper Ayen’s name with disgrace, pity, sincere sympathy, and love.



Why do I write?


Why not?
That could be the basic, humorous and a bit ridicule answer to that posted question. But at the end of the day, I have come to realize that that reasoning is far less revealing for me, for a very interpretative person like me.
Passion they say is the driver of those who chooses to reflect their selves with the help of their pens. But, what the hell is it anyway?
Passion. For me, the common definition of the word is a bit selfish, very un-Filipino. Selfish because you tend to withdraw from the reality you’re in and just focus on what you want to do. C’mon, you’ve got yourself in this world yes, but do acknowledge the presence of other people around you. Some of them may rely to you in many aspects that, in the presence of your oozing passion to something, may be hindered. That’s when the “very un-Filipino” adjective tags along. Living with your passion alone may sound so unpractical, which Filipinos are so not into it.
Trimming this discussion down I just would like to clear out that I’m still writing because of my passion. It just depends on the passion we are talking about.

I’ve experienced to be the center of attention because of my writings. “Ang galling galling naman ng batang ito…” they say. It groomed me, but I tell you what made me better people are the times when I had been the center of stupidity, laughter and disgrace, because of my darn pen. Those times are definitely more frequent than the happy times.

From my writings I’ve also experienced being robbed. Seeing my work not only being credited to other people but also brought from other people…
*commercial gap*
Kung sino man s’ya tubuan sana s’ya ng kulugo sa noo na sing laki ng ilong n’ya!!!
*…and as I was saying…*

… I had been also discriminated; telling me to my face that I don’t have an ounce of pinch to make it to the business. I mean what the? Who told him that I do want what he was talking about? Pa’no nya nalaman na gustung gusto ko yung gano’n?

Believe me, those times, it did stop me. For a while though. And now, I’m here…still releasing my soul to every word that comes out of my hands.
Then it came to me, I do need money, I do want to be a successful writer, I do want people to recognize my crafts…but above all these, I do need to write…not because of anything else. I just do.